Monday, June 1, 2009

Captain's Log: Floating Around

[Note: I meant to put this up yesterday but problems at the LA office took out the ship's internet connection for the entire day.]

Position: Just beyond the Azores

Weather: Sunny with 7-12 ft. following seas

Crew Status: Skipping lunch to save room for afternoon tea

As the ship seems to be running well enough without my supervision, today I sit by the Seahorse Pool basking near the sun (because, of course, your captain would never bask in the sun) and listening to the dulcet strains of Peaceful, Easy Feeling as played by the enthusiastic and loud Crystal Sextet.

Sadly, I sit alone. Dr. Jones prefers the privacy of our stateroom veranda…

…and, the last I saw of Mrs. Peacock, she was getting quite cozy with NHBill.

At this juncture, we have been many days at sea, but shipboard conditions remain good. There’s no slime on the Perrier, nor are there weevils in the blinis and croissants. There are even fresh flowers in evidence, though the arrangements grow more innovative as our journey progresses. The flower-floating-in-water arrangements, for example, are exceedingly lovely and also serve as useful places to dispose of the tequila shots Johanna Jollitime is so fond of ordering.

Then we have this arrangement, which relies on halved limes for a decorative boost. Very useful for combating scurvy.

And, finally, this arrangement, which sits in a pot made entirely of rare roast beef.

To be fair, this one was part of yesterday’s Lunchtime Gala Buffet—because, of course, you cannot have a voyage of this kind without a Lunchtime Gala Buffet.

As you can see, this one was nicer than average, with lots of lobster tails and sashimi and lions made of bread.

There was also a giant house of crackers.

I was under the impression that the whole point of a buffet was so people could have whatever they liked off of it, but these guys would not let me have the cracker house. I told them I was going to have them brought up on charges of mutiny. They were very afraid.

And, of course, there was musical accompaniment.

Why, yes, that is a clear piano. Don’t you wish you had one?

And now I must flee to a safer location, as the Band Babies have just descended on the Seahorse Pool. More on the Band Babies later but, suffice it to say, whoever decided to bring a full complement of 20-year-old jazz musicians along on Transatlantic Crossing should first have consulted with Johanna Jollitime.

1 comment:

myAntonia said...

I am dying over here, these posts are a hoot - keep 'em coming!

in other news I got Bookshelves of Doom in the mail on Saturday - you're officially published YAYYYYY!